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A Midsummer Night's Quote List

A Midsummer Night's Dream Official Quote List

Storefront Shakespeare, Summer 2010



Is it gonna be a wall? Like, a wall wall... I am so tired. Proceed.


I will sacrifice my body if I need to.

 -- But we need your body!


So there's a frog and an alcoholic chainsaw-wielding princess.


There will be audience everywhere. You'll be tripping over them. But don't actually trip over them.


I have anointed an Athenian's eyes. And so far I am glad I did... sort.


Believe me, King of Shadows... What's happening? Oh, I'm scared of him.


Ho, ho, ho!

 -- Santa?


Tim, be gentle with her hair.

 -- It's my real hair.

 -- It's her nice clean real hair. Look how shiny it is.


I have a reasonable good ear in music. Let's have some Ace of Base.


You look so awkward.

 -- Maybe that's because I'm 17 and she's 24.


The rite of May is basically to fornicate.

 -- Fornicate among the flowers.

 -- It's midsummer, so they're a little late.


Take a moment. Say, "Hi! Hi! Hi! I'm not a donkey!"

 -- You jerk. You didn't even call!


And ladies, take your places.

 -- Take your places, ladies.

 -- Take your places, ladies. Get steppin'!


We don't have time to explain it to the audience.

 -- You're dead. Shut up.


Racole will be here soon, and she's bringing toilet paper, and paper towels, and a dog.

 -- One of these things is not like the others.


I thought we were getting a robot dog.

 -- This is the understudy.


Doesn't a regular warm-up include ice cream?


This tulle presenteth Athens.


Were we just having fun?


Do not interrupt the Duke macking on the future Duchess.


Come, my Hippolyta. What cheer, my love? Where art thou?


On whom I might approve this... What?


You're enjoying this too much. She's hitting you. Stop smiling.

 -- Oh.

 -- Is there something we should know, Demetrius?


Look how I go, swifter than arrow from Tartar's bow! You guys are in my way!


Do I need to go get ice?

 -- No, it's okay.

 -- Can you fall on me without hurting yourself?


With Bottom around, I need a drink, man!


We're using Bandit because he's such a quiet dog.

 -- A very gentleman-like dog.


To make our sides lit... Oh, that's not it.


Believe me, King of Shadows, you should slap me.


No throwing against the wall, or you'll plaster it.

 -- I will!

 -- Do you know how to plaster?

 -- I'll figure it out.


Manly man.

 -- Put a stick up your butt.

 -- Yeah, that's basically what I mean.

 -- I got a stick.


And crowned with one -- I have a question. Can they be somewhere else?


Okay, go back. Start picking up your monologue.

 -- Oh, jeez.


No, that part was acting. I was fine until he stepped on my hair.


And then you storm off.

 -- Aww.

 -- No, wait! Let me change something!


Merry and tragical? Tedious and brief? Did I just fuck that up?


How many characters can the stage manager play tonight?


I'll try not to almost grab your thingy.


Why are you walking away? I'm talking to you! You don't love me!


This tickles my funny... funnily.


Thou! Thou! Thou hast no cause to break character!


Stand forth... *beat* *beat* Demetrius.


Messengers of strong...

 -- Prevailment?

 -- Prevailment.


Slowly. Very slowly.

 -- Until you feel like an idiot.

 -- I'm way past that point.

 -- That's acting. If you feel stupid, you're doing it right.


I am a really bad stripper. I get paid in quarters.


We were out there and we were trying to sell ourselves. But, y'know, not literally.


Gina. Gina. Gina. Gina. Gina. Gina. Gina. PUCK!!


I'm like the Girl Scout from Hell.

 -- Buy my cookies or die! You will eat these Tagalongs and you will like them!

 -- But I'm allergic to peanuts.



What's the sugar for?

 -- It has fun in fire.


S'mores in five.

 -- Ooooh. Sugar and fire.

 -- The perfect combination.


It's an air cannon. It's not dangerous.

 -- That comes under famous last words.

 -- Or a challenge, if you're the MythBusters.


To eat makes our speaking English good.


The bacon! MY the bacon!


I can't disobey Nora. She's the director. That would make me a diva.

 -- Aren't you already one?


Russell, where's your lightsaber?


Ossifer, I'm home. Take me drunk.


Can we paint on my abs?


The counselor was like, "When he flexes you can see his abs?" Oh. Awkward silence.


X is for Ecstasy, which I smoked before I did this show.

 -- You smoked Ecstasy?


Okay, why does the bathroom have a sign that says Careful, there may be a squirrel in here?


Lisa used to make me scream like a girl, and I liked it.

 -- I think that's too much information.

 -- I was Christmas Past.

 -- I had to wake up with her in my bed and pretend I didn't like it.


Gina, you need to stop hitting on your stage manager.

 -- Stop looking so sexy!


Ben, I love you! Why can't we be together?

 -- You know why!

 -- I'll turn you straight!


It's not recognizing your face. It's recognizing your boobs as a face.


No one's judging you. Put your clothes on.


Theatre in the round. More like orgy in the round.

 -- Promenade theatre: Where the actors touch you. And you like it.


What did I say? Did it make sense?


I'm not coffee-smart.

 -- What kind of smart are you?


You found a Walgreens?

 -- I found a 7-Eleven. Gotta love the quality of a 7-Eleven. I think I'm bleeding.


I'm smelling that menthol.

 -- I don't have to cough anymore, but I want a cigarette.


You've got sticky stuff all over your pants.

 -- That's what they all say.


Agh! You're fifteen. Stop looking like you're not!


Nadia, I promise not to injure you today.


It should say Fairy Blaster 9000, because Hippolyta would totally have one of those.

 -- Be vewy, vewy quiet. We'we hunting faiwies.


Armed. And legged as well.

 -- Especially in those boots.


Tim, there's a bunch of people that look like you outside.


That's okay. You can't break character if I accidentally shoot you while you sleep.


You have to suffer for your art.

 -- I did! I got dropped!


Dog crushed by stripper boots. No, sorry, dominatrix boots.

 -- No, remember, I got them at a store that caters to drag queens.


Be careful on the ladder.

 -- Jackie Chan does some of his best stunts on ladders!

 -- Jackie Chan has broken every bone in his body multiple times.

 -- I'm not Jackie Chan!


We should really do the fairy free-for-all dodging of the cars.

 -- Storefront Shakespeare. In front of the store.


I do have multiple personalities. No, I don't.


Danielle, would you like a sucker?

 -- Ooh! Caramel apple apple stuff!


Gina, you have to do the play naked.

 -- Then it's A Midsummer Night's Wet Dream.

 -- That's the after-show.


I dare you to put that whole wad of noodles in your mouth.

 -- It's bigger than your head.

 -- It's bigger than Bandit.

 -- Can you eat the dog in one bite? If not, don't try it.


My greatest altruistic act is not having children and not cloning myself.

 -- I have yet to meet a child who made me regret my vasectomy.


Marky, you should totally ask Nora if you can wear that in the show.

 -- Uh, hi, Nora.


Okay, now they're having a slap fight over the hot dog costume.


I call everybody sweetie, honey and dear, which half of them haven't realized is code for dipshit, moron and asshole.

 -- And the other half don't care.


Are you bringing sexy back?

 -- Honey, I brought it. I used it. I'm tossing it aside.

 -- Oooh, sloppy seconds! I'll take it!


Has anyone seen my clothes?

 -- That sounds like me after too many wild nights.

 -- Sounds like something you'd hear after Rocky.


I haven't slapped you!

 -- Yet.


Russell, there are no more naked women, so you can get out your computer.

 -- Why would you let the naked women stop you?


I've got ice in my butt.


I don't want to leave when I hear farting problems.


Man, if I were a klepto, this place would be awesome.



 -- Yeah, I think there might be a lightning bolt. Or a bus. Or it might pull a My Name Is Earl on you.


Russell, did you spend the night?

 -- Not intentionally.


Guess what? I just took, like, a ten-hour nap.


Hippolyta, I wooed thee with my hot dog and won thy love --

 -- Doing thee... Those weren't injuries, dear. It was a cocktail weenie.

 -- It was cold out!


I have Tourette's that comes and goes when it's convenient.


What did you do to Tinkerbell?


*koff* Hey, babe. *koff*


It's harder to storm upstage.


What the ever-loving fuck is going on out there?

 -- I don't know. I was there, and I don't know.



( 11 comments — Leave a comment )
Jul. 13th, 2010 11:31 pm (UTC)
*giggling helplessly*
Jul. 15th, 2010 10:43 am (UTC)
I do love that the last one was yours.
Jul. 15th, 2010 11:07 am (UTC)
I must admit to preening a bit over that, even if it was sheer luck.
Jul. 14th, 2010 01:31 am (UTC)
It should say Fairy Blaster 9000, because Hippolyta would totally have one of those.

-- Be vewy, vewy quiet. We'we hunting faiwies.

This. And everything else. My face hurts from laughing so hard :-)
Jul. 15th, 2010 10:44 am (UTC)
The best part was that it referred to a Nerf rocket launcher thingy, and it actually did end up getting "Fairy Blaster 9000" written on it!
Jul. 15th, 2010 11:06 am (UTC)
9001. We do not talk about what happend to the Fairy Blaster 9000. ;)

(You missed that bit of lunacy due to pretending to be asleep on-stage at the time.)
Jul. 15th, 2010 11:31 am (UTC)
Ah! I shall have to get the full story from you, then. :-D

We on for tonight? What time?
Jul. 14th, 2010 02:26 am (UTC)
"Tim, there's a bunch of people that look like you outside."
Thank you for sharing. :-)
Jul. 15th, 2010 10:43 am (UTC)
Re: "Tim, there's a bunch of people that look like you outside."
You're very welcome. I love sharing the lunacy. :-D
Jul. 15th, 2010 10:15 am (UTC)
I was laughing so hard I had to move my coffee right off the desk just to be safe! I love MND, and you guys sound like you were having so much fun -- wish I could have seen it.

If forced to choose, I think this was my favorite:

Believe me, King of Shadows, you should slap me.
Jul. 15th, 2010 10:33 am (UTC)
It was... a ride. But yes, a fun one. If the video turns out any good, I'll send you a copy. (I'll warn you, so your agent doesn't get unnecessarily confused.)

If forced to choose, I think this was my favorite:

Believe me, King of Shadows, you should slap me.

Puck was... well-cast. I have no idea how she's made it out of her teens alive.
( 11 comments — Leave a comment )


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