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:: vibrates in place ::

I'm having one of those GET ME OUTTA HERE kinda days. The demands of Office of Doom are actually more manageable right this moment than they have been for most of the past three or four months, but that doesn't help.

I want to be somewhere that is NOT HERE, doing work I actually CARE about. I don't want to not work, I don't want to play all the time. I want to WORK. Work that is not this work, because I Do Not Care about this work, no matter how hard I try.

Knowing that I'm pursuing all available avenues to do something about that helps only slightly when I'm in this mood. Probably makes me even more restless, in fact. In the starting blocks, waiting for the damn pistol to fire already.

*deep breath* Focus. Other people do care about this stuff, and deserve to have it done promptly and well.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have no ambition. I know enough to know I wouldn't want it, but I'm still curious what it's actually like.

Comments

( 40 comments — Leave a comment )
thanatos_kalos
Mar. 24th, 2008 06:08 pm (UTC)
::hugs::
wiliqueen
Mar. 24th, 2008 06:11 pm (UTC)
Thanks, hon. {{{ hugs back }}} Hope you're getting a bit of break from your crazy stress...
(no subject) - thanatos_kalos - Mar. 24th, 2008 06:13 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - wiliqueen - Mar. 24th, 2008 06:15 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - thanatos_kalos - Mar. 24th, 2008 06:18 pm (UTC) - Expand
therealjae
Mar. 24th, 2008 06:21 pm (UTC)
Yeah, you deserve that. You're not asking for too much, and you're not complaining unduly. I hope you get it.

-J
wiliqueen
Mar. 24th, 2008 08:49 pm (UTC)
Thanks. And good to know. :-)
maiac
Mar. 24th, 2008 06:31 pm (UTC)
"I wonder what it would be like to have no ambition."

Just imagine yourself on your back with your eyes closed, your hands folded over your breastbone, lying on white satin in a narrow box....

But I hear ya.
wiliqueen
Mar. 24th, 2008 08:49 pm (UTC)
Well, okay, maybe not NO... ;->

Although (having worked in haunted house) I've actually done that...

Edited at 2008-03-24 08:57 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - maiac - Mar. 24th, 2008 09:31 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - wiliqueen - Mar. 24th, 2008 09:34 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - maiac - Mar. 25th, 2008 01:19 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - wiliqueen - Mar. 25th, 2008 12:22 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - darkmagess - Mar. 25th, 2008 01:46 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - wiliqueen - Mar. 25th, 2008 12:23 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - darkmagess - Mar. 25th, 2008 01:08 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - wiliqueen - Mar. 25th, 2008 01:23 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - darkmagess - Mar. 25th, 2008 01:28 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - wiliqueen - Mar. 25th, 2008 01:35 pm (UTC) - Expand
bktheirregular
Mar. 24th, 2008 06:33 pm (UTC)
ouch. Been there. Done that. (And in one case, got out just before the walls came tumblin' down, but that's another story.)

All I can say is that there's a long distance between "important to other people" and "worth burning yourself out over". And sympathize greatly with the "wanting to be elsewhere" vibe.
wiliqueen
Mar. 24th, 2008 08:51 pm (UTC)
All I can say is that there's a long distance between "important to other people" and "worth burning yourself out over".

Now if only that were true for, y'know, keeping my house...

But thanks. And man, you have a WAY more aggravating situation of "wanting to be elsewhere" than I ever want to!! :-/
(no subject) - bktheirregular - Mar. 24th, 2008 08:57 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - wiliqueen - Mar. 24th, 2008 08:58 pm (UTC) - Expand
quasievil_bunny
Mar. 24th, 2008 10:48 pm (UTC)
I hear ya Sistah!!!
wiliqueen
Mar. 25th, 2008 12:40 pm (UTC)
:: clings ::
darkmagess
Mar. 25th, 2008 01:54 am (UTC)
There are people who do work that they do not care about and don't seem bothered at all. I do not understand this.

My mom is this way. And she's extremely dedicated about it.

One of my friends got laid off a few weeks ago, and she couldn't even answer "if you could do anything at all, what work would you do." So she's applying for kind of the same old, because it's what she has experience in, even if it's not something she ever aimed herself toward doing.

I cannot fathom not even knowing what you want to spend your time doing. Everything must seem like so much less of a struggle. I imagine it to be a very comforting state. No striving. That seems enviable to me.
studiesinlight
Mar. 25th, 2008 04:35 am (UTC)
>"Everything must seem like so much less of a struggle. I imagine it to be a very comforting state."

Not to be too grim, but in my experience, it is miserable, having no dreams you believe in, or only very small ones. Miserable, hopeless, pointless. Lots of self-hatred. You look at people with the big dreams and wonder how they got them, and why the universe didn't install one in you, too. Helpless dream-envy. But you plod on, because you don't know what else to do but plod -- after all, you don't have a dream. Sometimes you try on big dreams, but none seem to fit, and you fall back to plodding and longing.
(no subject) - wiliqueen - Mar. 25th, 2008 12:35 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - darkmagess - Mar. 25th, 2008 01:05 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - wiliqueen - Mar. 25th, 2008 01:15 pm (UTC) - Expand
amilyn
Mar. 25th, 2008 03:08 am (UTC)
I offer my sympathies and good wishes for change soon.
wiliqueen
Mar. 25th, 2008 12:36 pm (UTC)
Thanks!
studiesinlight
Mar. 25th, 2008 04:48 am (UTC)
Hey. I've been thinking of you on and off since I first saw this post, but I didn't know what to say. I know that kind of day. They're icky. It's sort of like a purgatorial senioritis. I've been having those days more and more lately. I'm sorry you had one today! Mondayness doesn't help: heck of a way to kick off a week.

I don't know a solution. I get so very depressed when they happen to me, I'm afraid, because I don't even know where to run to. Forgive me, but sometimes I really envy you your vocation. That is, not acting and costuming for me -- though I like both those things! -- but the knowing of a place/activity that you would care about, that would matter, that would fit, that is worth making allowances and perhaps pinching pennies. I wish I knew. I have wished that ever since I knew a girl at my second high school who was completely driven to become an elementary school teacher, as if it were not only written in her DNA, but an angel had popped by to translate it for her at an early age. How did she get that awareness and certainty? I want it, too!

I hope the rest of your week is better. And I hope that your clients and coworkers show more gratitude and consideration than usual! You deserve it.
wiliqueen
Mar. 25th, 2008 12:38 pm (UTC)
It's not my place to speak for others close to me, but I can at least say you're certainly not alone.

And thanks. Hitting as hard as it did yesterday is usually fairly fleeting. It helps to sound a barbaric virtual yawp, and get a yawp or two back. :-)
abstract_truth
Mar. 25th, 2008 08:03 pm (UTC)
Gah!

Co-sign all over this post. I feel the exact same way.
wiliqueen
Mar. 25th, 2008 08:04 pm (UTC)
Hang in there!
allmightybecca
Mar. 25th, 2008 10:34 pm (UTC)
You have just described almost all of my Mondays. Its not that I hate my job, because I don't. It's the best job I've ever had (and I've had many). I guess its just not what I want to be doing. If it helps I keep telling myself the more I work the more likely I will be able to earn more money and eventually get to do what I want. For me that's the ability to get some sort of artist's space to work on my glass stuff and buy a large glass kiln and still pay for regular stuff too. I hope some (all?) of the different avenues you are pursuing get you out of where you are at (and sooner rather later)!
wiliqueen
Mar. 25th, 2008 10:45 pm (UTC)
You do art glass? How cool! What kind?

And thanks!
(no subject) - allmightybecca - Mar. 27th, 2008 01:45 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - wiliqueen - Mar. 27th, 2008 03:57 pm (UTC) - Expand
( 40 comments — Leave a comment )

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