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Is there a spam blocker for the DHL guy?

No, seriously. Apparently he's the one who brought in the "notice" one of the people from the office downstairs copied and brought up. It's in about a 16-point font, with no indication of an official origin of any kind, warning people that there has been a "significant increase in reports" (to whom? No idea) of itchy insect bites in Office of Doom's lovely tree-filled environs.

It goes on to explain that the "current working diagnosis" (no, it doesn't say anything about who has made this "diagnosis") points to something called "itch mites," and gives a Latin name (which I don't feel particularly inclined to look up, because I Do Not Care) and a detailed description of what the bites are like (i.e. what one might expect as a result of encountering any of a myriad of biting insects) and how to treat them (ditto). Oh, and leave us not forget the boldface reassurance that they're not contagious.

Translation: There are bugs biting people and making them itch.

Shorter translation: IT'S SUMMER. DUH.

So, basically, this would be completely insignificant except for one thing: Person From Downstairs came up and handed this oh-so-impressive document (ETA: Which was, incidentally, center justified for no readily apparent reason) to Receptionist. Who has, as I noted during cicada season, a genuine bug phobia. *headdesk* And who has already been fretting for several days about a couple of bites she probably got while walking to or waiting for the bus. (That being pretty much the only time you'll catch her outdoors, for obvious reasons.)

Cue brief panic attack, a string of "Ew! Ew! Ew!"s to rival any scat riff Ella Fitzgerald ever improvised, and spontaneous word coinage in the declaration that "It says these things are VAMPANT!!"

Whoever wrote this thing has a lot to answer for. But at least we get a marvelous new word out of it. :-D

Comments

( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
jennetj
Aug. 16th, 2007 05:40 pm (UTC)
http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/chi-web_miteaug16,0,5865018.story?coll=chi_home_top (all about the mites)

I'm just amused about the idea of spam being hand-delivered!
bentleywg
Aug. 16th, 2007 05:57 pm (UTC)
I was about to say, it was the first headline (with icky photo) on yesterday's Trib online.
wiliqueen
Aug. 16th, 2007 06:12 pm (UTC)
I'm so out of the habit of reading news properly.

But yeah, it's the hand-delivered spam that's cracking me up, even if it is essentially accurate!
deannie
Aug. 16th, 2007 05:44 pm (UTC)
I think I love that word. *g*

And by the by, here at our office? Fighter planes are absolutely vampant, too. *snerk* The Air & Water Show is so much fun!
jennetj
Aug. 16th, 2007 05:57 pm (UTC)
Yep, here, too. I heard one yesterday, too (which is how I knew it was this weekend - somehow I'd thought it was next weekend).
deannie
Aug. 16th, 2007 06:03 pm (UTC)
Yep! I'm kind of having flashbacks to the first year we were here in Chicago. It was the summer after 9/11, and we had lived on Long Island during that, so we had had a whole week where the only planes we saw there were fighter jets. Very scary times.

Then we moved to Chicago, knew nothing of the Air & Water show and were suddenly being buzzed by fight jets! ACK!

*g* Summer in Chicago is COOL!
jennetj
Aug. 16th, 2007 06:05 pm (UTC)
I've actually never been to the Air & Water Show proper, but I'll probably spend my lunch hour tomorrow out at Olive Park watching the practice.
deannie
Aug. 16th, 2007 06:06 pm (UTC)
To my mind, that's kind of the only way to do it.

Unless you have a condo right on the lake, and then you can hang out at home and watch them all go by. *g*
wiliqueen
Aug. 16th, 2007 06:15 pm (UTC)
The Thunderbirds were based at Mountain Home for a while around the time my brother was born. I got seriously spoiled...
ariestess
Aug. 16th, 2007 06:10 pm (UTC)
Itch mites? WTF?

Tho' I'm giggling madly over "vampant" and its implications...
wiliqueen
Aug. 16th, 2007 06:14 pm (UTC)
See above from jennetj -- apparently it's more or less accurate, although they're a relative of something actually called an itch mite.

Tho' I'm giggling madly over "vampant" and its implications...

Indeed. And this is the same (primarily mundane) Receptionist I succeeded in hooking on Blood Ties...
ariestess
Aug. 16th, 2007 06:20 pm (UTC)
Eww on the itch mites!

*giggles* I'm still figuring out ways I can work vampant into conversations...
( 12 comments — Leave a comment )

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